Two boys and a girl, not more than seven or eight years old, were playing in the field outside my house, just behind the metal rails where I normally sit and wait for my bus into town. The wild-eyed, rosy-cheeked girl looked to be a year or two younger than the boys, one of whom was hot on her tail and brandishing a branch-come-sword, laughing:

"You're mine, princess!"

The little girl turned her head, hair blowing across her face, let out a high-pitched, "Nooo!" then laughed and ran on; it seemed they had been running in circles for quite a while now.

A couple of feet from this enthralling escapade sat the other boy, back turned away, crouched - knees behind his ears - pouring over something which had distracted him from the group, his sword stuck forlornly in the grass beside him. He was so enraptured that only the tip of his nose was visible behind the unruly waves of hair which had tumbled across his face.

My attention was brought abruptly back to the girl as she let out a scream. It seemed she had run a little too quickly, consequently falling flat on her face. She sat there wailing her curly little head away, fully immersed in her grief as little ones so often are.

I wondered whether I should run over and check to see if she was alright, but -

"I'll rescue you! HYAAAAAA!!!"

The kid at the side must have been roused from his study, remembering the game, for now he was charging at his nemesis. The knights met with a clash of wood and gutteral battlecry which fell into a clacking pattern of parries and charges.

The girl's wailing stopped and she stared for a second, eyes wide, nose snotty. Bursting into laughter, she picked herself up and ran at them, bringing a third element to the onslaught and creating what seemed to be a whole new game - "Catch the Princess" already long-forgotten.

My bus had arrived. And I stepped on it shaking my head and smiling away to myself, half-wishing I was that age again and generally feeling too grown up.

Wishing it was all still fun and games.

Man, thinking is so much effort.

Today I just let my brain coast and it was so much more relaxing - time went by unbelievably quickly!

One minute I was opening up shop, the next, time to drag the postcard stand back into the shop and lock the door for cashing up -

Next thing I know, it's 10pm and I'm at Liz's place having dinner and now it's midnight and it's time to make my way back to the flat through the Meadows...

Life is so much easier this way.

Probably not as enjoyable though.

End of thoughts for the day.

 

 

I remember one time I said to a friend "Maybe I'll be single for the rest of my life."

And he replied, "No, don't say that! The thought of it alone is enough to make me cry."

And I laughed.

Is it really so terrible to be alone? If you still have friends, family, who love and support you - if you know yourself and can depend on yourself, do you really need another person to "complete" you? Why can't all the aforementioned be enough?

My thoughts are divided.

One side - the side that believes in fate/destiny/true love - the side that's just a little bit of a romantic, a dreamer (basically, the side that loves asian drama, Mariah Carey, and Whitney Houston) argues that we must find our "other half" because even though we have friends and family, we need to find the soul out there that we can be completely "naked" with.

Amongst our friends and family, sure, we can be ourselves, we can laugh, cry, play, work, but to each of them we only show part of ourselves - no one person ever knows us completely: every good point, every bad - and vice-versa: we can never know all the ins and outs of them. Yet, with our counterparts, we have someone who knows everything; I mean EVERYTHING - your darkest thought, your worst act, past and present and maybe even likely future - you are completely vulnerable before this person, and of course vice-versa. Your counterpart is someone you can trust to be there and love you through thick and thin, to face the world together with, battling against whatever it throws at you and celebrating together when victory is won, and accompanying each other happily in the occasional peaceful stanza.

This side of me believes in the soul and soulmates. She believes that once you find your other half, they will be all that matters - against family or friends, because the soul and its bonds follow rules outside of the conventional rules of society. Of course, this side does not for one second deny that it takes alot of hard work to find our soulmates - to dig them out from under the barriers and masks we invent to deal with the world as individuals. Nevertheless, she believes.

Yet, smothering this daydreamer is the other side. Now, this side smirks and jeers at all this romantic nonsense and tells the dreamer to get a grip. It believes in science; it doesn't believe in life after death; it believes in survival of the fittest.

There is no such thing as true love, only "true love". That is, a mixture of chemistry, trust, and hard work - lots of hard work. You find a companion, there is initial mutual attraction, there is mutual trust, and you are both dedicated to helping each other through life. There are no such things as deeper feelings, all of that is just hormones. There is no such thing as the soul: our personalities and uniquities are simply the result of our environment and our own attempt to make our lives seem less pointless.

Therefore, this other half reasons, there is really no point in looking for a lifetime companion if you can be content with family and friends. If you can depend on yourself and make it through life by your own means, then why put yourself through the emotional rollercoasters that are relationships?

Which half is right? Certainly following the second would keep one safe, content, untroubled. The first...offers excitement, maybe even happiness beyond belief...but it could all just be a beautiful mirage and after reaching for it, one might end up desolate.